When you see only one set of footprints in the sand it is then that I carried you
In my last post we talked about being in crash mode, what it means, what causes it and how we got there. We then compared it to computer brain circuit overload and how our brains can be effected in the same way when it becomes mentally overwhelmed and overworked. In all honesty crash mode is just another word for data breakdown or in human terms mental break down of our brain processes.
Some of you may be saying right now, whoa! I wouldn’t say all of that but it is, at least in my opinion. I do believe that there are various degrees to a mental break down. Does this means that if we go into crash mode that we are certifiably crazy? No not all. It’s just our brain sending us a message that something is terribly wrong and it has reached the breaking point. When our brain enters into crash mode it just stops in whatever processes it is in. You can no longer put in any new commands, move forward and you can’t back out of a situation. I call this being in a stagnant position a standstill . Your brain is really saying stop! I can’t take any more! I like to refer to this as a defense mechanism as it keeps us from doing further damage. However there are some of us who will try to force our brains to keep going. This only makes things worse and may even cause more damage. The only way to move beyond this point is to stop what you are doing and shut down the processes. Get Help so that you may move towards recovery.
Today I want to dig a little deeper to look at the physical, spiritual and emotional side of crash mode. So we all know that crash mode causes our brain to experience a mental breakdown in its processes. When this happens the brain is no longer able to function the way it should because of all of the demands being put into it. I believe that it is the first level to a mental breakdown with anxiety and depression on its heels. Those are a few of the things that begin to manifest when our mental processes become impaired. One might wonder how did we get here? My response is we ignored all the warning signs the lagging, stress, and fatigue. We kept telling ourselves if I could just finish what I am working on or just do one more thing. Our minds can only take so much before it shuts down. I know that I am guilty of thinking that I can out run myself by pushing myself beyond capacity. I have been in crash mode so many times that I can’t keep count, one would wonder if I had any brain cells left. It’s only because of God’s Mercy that I do because he has kept my mind stable so many times.
For those of you like me who are holding onto a thread of sanity there is help. Let’s free ourselves, free our minds. How do we reboot? How do we get up from here? How do we recover from this? Now I could tell you the text-book answer of how to become free in your mind but that does not work for me. You see I have tried journaling, yoga, aroma therapy, counseling none of these things free my mind. They are great relaxation tools and exercises but that’s it. For some it may help but when I am truly at rock bottom that is like giving a hungry baby a pacifier. When I am truly mentally broken none of that works for me. I have to go to the rock. God is my rock and he is the only one that can help me when I am truly mentally broken.
Psalm 18:6- In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
Zechariah 4:6- So he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.
2 Corinthians 12:9- But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
When I am in crash mode only Gods Spirit can lift me up. How do you know when you are truly in crash mode? Let me give you an example. Erica Campbell has a song called Help! I love this song because I can relate to it in so many ways. I listen to her Get Up! Morning Show every morning on my way to work. She said that when she wrote this song she was in a bad place and the only thing she could do was say Lord Help! Now I am no Erica Campbell but I can imagine if she was in such a place where the only words she could utter was Lord Help! its safe to say she was in crash mode. I have been there more times than I can remember. What I am saying to you is if you are in that place today cry out Lord Help! If you don’t have enough strength to get up cry out Lord Help! he will carry you. He will uphold you with his righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10- So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I have been challenged physically in my body, mentally and spiritually this week. I have allowed my emotional, mental and physical bank accounts to become depleted. Even so I kept putting commands into my accounts demanding more currency until it caused a circuit overload. I have been running on empty till the point where my brain processes just shut down.
Lord Help! is all I can say. He is carrying me today as I battle Lupus, work issues, family issues. His grace is sufficient and his strength is made perfect in my weakness. Nothing is counted loss, I am not longer stagnant, he’s rebooting me. He will do the same for you if you would only ask, Lord Help!
As always my fellow readers thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I hope it is truly inspiring you. Please stay with me as we finish Restoring What Was Lost Part III-Recover, Meditate, Renew.
Until Next Time…Live, Love, Laugh
Is Your Brain In Crash Mode?
I once had a clear image of who and what I wanted to be in life. In my mind’s eye I could see it as plain as day. Now I often wake in the mornings feeling lost in an amnesic state of mind. It’s as if someone has high-jacked my brain and uploaded it with my family’s agenda. It is one of the scariest thing that I have ever experienced. I have to search my mind and ask myself who are you? and what do you want in life? (outside of the obvious). Everyone wants a nice home, good kids, a great marriage and financial stability, but what do I want just for me?
My mind is constantly cluttered and consumed in a cloud of everyone else’s task list. This is not good, not good at all but that is what happens to so many of us. We get swallowed up in everything around us. Why is it that some men never lose themselves? Why are they able to maintain so much of who they were before marriage and kids? Let me try to shed some light here. I have been married for a while and I think that I know a thing or two about men. In observing my husbands pattern over the years I’ve noticed several things. He works, he provides and he maintains his lane. That is pretty much it no more no less.
How often do you see men jumping in line trying to become the head of the PTA, Scout Leaders or Little League Coaches. Some do but not all of them. Basically what I am trying to say is men are less likely to add additional items to a full agenda without being asked. That is because they know their limits and have no problem dropping things that get to become a problem.
I am sure we all know what happens when you put too many commands in a computer at one time IT CRASHES. So I ask you again IS YOUR BRAIN IN CRASH MODE?
Well Ladies guess what, we did it to ourselves. Yes we did, in our effort to become I Am Every Woman or the I can Have It All Mentality we put our minds into over drive. Well at least I can say I did it to myself. I know that some of you will argue the case that we can have it all or why can’t we have it all? My response is maybe we can, but at what cost? Do you really want to wake up every morning with a freeze-dried coffee brain that has to be jump started with coffee, energy drinks, Valium or whatever your passion is? Only to lie down at night to Melatonin, warm milk or Sleepy Time tea to help you sleep just so you can do it all again the next day. I think not but for some of us that is the cost of having it all, unless you are financially secure and you can afford to hire help. I don’t know about you but that’s a price that I am no longer willing to pay.
Ladies not only are we wives and moms but we are computers, appointment books, data drives and anything else they need us to be. Let’s not allow our memories to be drained by pushing ourselves into over drive. My husband Lord bless him is bad about asking me questions about his affairs, bills and so forth right out of the blue while expecting an answer. Most of the time I began searching through my memory trying to pull up the information that he is asking about. Sometimes it works sometimes its blank. Finally I told him the other day I don’t know I have to check on it. Now before you get all bent out of shape I am not husband or kid bashing because I brought this own myself. In my effort to be the best mom and best wife possible I made myself accessible to them at all times in everything. To be honest I crippled them and they became too dependent on me. My husband and kids have even admitted to it.
If you are guilty of this too and wish you could push reverse I feel you. You may not be able to push reverse but there is a solution. We will talk more about that later.
I am constantly telling my kids to use their brain and to use common sense. I guess if you have always had someone do everything for you than that’s a foreign concept. So is it fair for me to get mad now this far into the game? yes and no. We all have common sense so to deliberately sit and wait for someone else to do what you can do for yourself is a sign of laziness or even selfishness no matter what the reason is. If you see a person working to full capacity and there is something you can do to help them then do it. It does not matter if it is your job or not. I grew up with my mom telling me never take advantage of a good thing or you don’t want to wear out your welcome. It’s time for my kids to learn this valuable lesson and for my husband to become re-acquainted with it.
One of the hot topics in our home is Gender Roles. There is no such thing as Gender Roles in today’s society or at least in the non-traditional home. If I help bring home the bacon then you can fry it up in a pan and so forth. If he wash the dishes than I can take out the trash. This is where I am striving to get to in our home. While we have traditional values we’ve chosen a more modern lifestyle. Our lifestyle requires two paychecks and our home requires all of us to maintain it. This may seem a little off topic but it’s not, in sharing your life roles it prevents the other person from becoming mentally and physically drained.
There is still so much that I would like to share on this topic, so I will break it up into two parts. Please join me next time for Part II Restoring What was Lost… Shut Down-Reboot-Recover-Meditate-Renew.
Until Next Time…Live Love Laugh!
Yes I am still in the Game( A slugger)
Wow has it really been 4 months since my last post? I am really slipping. I guess it is time to play catch-up. Where to begin where to begin? Lets see in my effort to Do All Things New some things have changed and some things are still a work in progress. I promised to be honest so here goes. I am still struggling to carve out time for myself, there I said it. I really have to fight for it my kids naturally gravitate to me when I am sitting on the couch no matter what I am doing. I have figured out that when I create a family time of just me and the kids they are less likely to impede in on my personal time. I am able to do some things in moderation I guess I am okay with that. Having a glass of wine while I watch my favorite tv show is better than nothing at all. Thank God for DVR. I can always go back and watch my favorite tv shows when I have time to sit back and enjoy them.
In the spirit of total transparency this is the reason why I have avoided posting. I didn’t want to come to you singing the same old song about how important it is to make time for yourself followed by a list a mile long of why I failed to do just that. So here is my list LOL…
Sometimes things don’t always go as planned and that is okay as long as it does not become a habit. I have learned that as moms we have to make tentative list as things are subject to change at a moments notices. Just make sure you are doing more writing than erasing. I have found that if you change your plans every time something comes up it becomes expected of you. No one wants to fall into that pattern.
Our family had an unexpected turn of events this summer. My husbands truck driving job doing mostly day trips suddenly became an over the road gig. He is often gone several days at a time. This threw me into instant single parent mode or so it seemed as he is away sometimes more than he is home. Needless to say we had to make a lot of adjustments. However it was important to me in taking a stance about still having time for me, the kids, and us as a couple.
Now on to more positive things my family did take a real vacation the first in 8 years. Can I get a Whoop! Whoop! Don’t get me wrong we’ve taken some day trips over the years and trips to the lake but not a real vacation. I wore a bathing suit granted it was one of the ones with the skirt attached to it. However that is big for me and I got into the ocean for the first time in my 40 some odd years of living. I felt so free on our vacation and truly challenged myself to get out of my comfort zone, relax and have fun. I am usually so uptight a typical A type personality.
I also started green eating everyone in my family except my husband are officially green eaters. I serve healthier breakfast in the morning and have now started packing our lunches 3 days a week. Green eating is something that I have always wanted to do but was afraid that my family would not like it. I didn’t like the idea of possibly having to cook separate meals. The hubby is not too keen on everything that I prepare so there are times when I have made him something different. The kids love it!. You see some things have changed, as a result I have more energy. I did tell my husband that green eating is a new permanent healthy life style for us and that I would not be able to continue to cook extra meals. I let him know ahead of time what I plan on cooking and that if he does not like it he will have to prepare himself something else. My husband is a great cook so this should not be a problem for him. You have to put your foot down sometimes.
Side note: Isn’t it funny how some men act like they forget how to cook when they get married. I have a feeling my husband will be brushing up on his cooking skills.
Well I guess it is time to bring this post to a close. Thank you so much to my dedicated readers for sticking with me. I know that it is often a long time between post but I have not forgotten about you. I vow to get better at getting my post out. I am learning to take baby steps in carving out time for myself. My goal this week is to read a book and do a little self-maintenance, Mani-Pedi here I come.
Until next time!… Live, Love, Laugh!
What do you do when you have a case of he says she says? I am dealing with this right now with my son and his teacher. While it is natural that I would come to my child’s defense like a lioness it is also important to get all of the facts first.
Last week I learned a valuable lesson check your sources before you type and hit send. Just a little blogging humor. In my effort to lighten the mood this is a very serious situation. While in an emotional state and my zeal to defend my son I went overboard in an email and hurt a very good teacher. The things that my son told me his teacher said to him were awful so awful that it caused me to react without thinking things through. I felt uneasy about the email and tossed and turned all night long. This was totally out of character for me. I acted in anger, now I truly understand the meaning of the scripture Ephesians 4:26 Be angry but sin not. I had sinned against this teacher by allowing my flesh to rule my emotions.
The next day I got a follow-up email from the teacher explaining that she did not say all those things to my son at least not the way he relayed them to me. So now is was a case of He Says She Says. Who should I believe? I was immediately thrown off guard what to do what to do? I prayed about the situation off and on all day at work asked for guidance and clarity on how to proceed. I decided to send a letter of apology to the teacher for the harshness of the email but not for defending my son.
Later on after talking more with my son I realized that she did not say those things exactly the way he relayed them to me but it was how he perceived them and the effect those words had on him. However by then the damage had been done. The words embarrassed, mortified and angry was an under statement of the emotions I was feeling. I was seething with my son how could he put me in that position and cause me to be embarrassed like that.
I had to regroup and made a conscious decision not to react without calming down, praying and thinking about my next step. Now sitting here days later I have complete clarity and understanding of the situation. First off my son did not put me in that position I put myself in it by allowing my emotions to overrule my common sense. Did I pray first yes? but in the end I still allowed my emotions to win.
I almost did the same thing to my son when I received the email from his teacher but instead I did the opposite I talked to my son and listened to his defense and encouraged him. His teacher on the other hand had no defense because I judged, convicted and hung her without hearing her defense. My son was hurt by her words and I guess in some twisted way I wanted to make her feel the way he did when I looked in his eyes that day he came home from school. I was wrong and I am not proud of that. The bible says do not let your good be spoken evil of Romans 14-16 and I did just that. I allowed my good intentions to defend my son to become something ugly.
Now I am on trial. I have been uneasy ever since I sent that email I have tossed and turned. I have been convicted I AM GUILTY according to Gods word. I am guilty of the very same thing I accused her of .
Romans 2 1-2 ERV
So do you think that you can judge those other people? You are wrong. You too are guilty of sin. You judge them, but you do the same things they do. So when you judge them, you are really condemning yourself. 2 God judges all who do such things, and we know his judgment is right.
There will be many days of him coming home hurt, confused and having misunderstandings. I realize now that I can’t just pounce on everyone. I have to be wise and seeks God’s counsel and actually listen to it. I just have to find a way to be there for him in the best light possible. I don’t want him to look back on my actions and feel ashamed or for my actions to have repercussions on him. I want him to be proud of me and say that my mom has my back no matter what and that I can be honest and open with her without any backlash.
I will never know what truly transpired between my son and his teacher only God knows and he will deal with each accordingly. However after many days of turmoil with this issue I am ready to totally release it. God has it now
Until next time…Live Love Laugh!
PPhilippians 3:13-14 NKJV
. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
To all my fellow readers, “Happy New Year”! and I hope this year will be even better than last year. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog in the year of 2016. It was a new journey for me into something exciting that I would love to see grow. Like always my goal is to encourage, uplift, equip and empower moms everywhere. Being a mom is a very difficult job in itself and until you walk in our shoes you have no idea what it is like. As we move into this new year let us strive to do bigger and better things. To walk in our divine purpose and most of all please God.
My endeavors this year will be to do All Things New!, and Rediscovering Me, like most busy moms I lost myself last year. Remember I chose this goal towards the end of last year. I was not pleased with what I saw in the mirror in 2016 as a result I constantly avoided mirrors. Notice I used the word endeavors because it works better for me. Its means goals. Resolutions to me are just thoughtless promises we make to ourselves to change and we’ve noticed in times past how easily they are broken and tossed aside. However a goal is a very organized thought with a plan of action.
So let us embark on new endeavors this year, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching towards those things which are ahead. In order to do this we must seek God’s counsel to determine what his divine plan is for our lives. This way we are assured that we are walking in our purpose and not just out here spinning our wheels.
I hope you will continue to stay with me on my journey this year to accomplish my goals. When time permits I will share my journey with you. I spent the last month of 2016 first celebrating the birth of Christ in the spirit of giving, reflecting on God’s Grace, Mercy and Blessings. The last week was spent seeking his counsel,planning and organizing my goals for this year.
I pray that your journey in 2017 will be everything that you set out for it to be. May you accomplish all your goals this year and be better than before. Most of all continue to let the love of Christ shine through you. Keep him first in all you do and do it with the love of Christ Jesus.
Until next time
“Live, Love, Laugh”
“Do This In Remembrance of Him”
Matthew 2:11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.
My son asked me the other day was Santa Clause real and without hesitation I told him no. I felt it was time he knew the truth. Both boys were present when we began to have a conversation about Santa Clause the Myth and where it came from. I think my boys stopped believing in Santa Clause way before I told them the truth. It was never my desire to instill this belief in them. My husband wanted to keep the magic of Christmas alive by giving them something to believe in. Have I always felt this way? The answer is no; with my girls I just wanted them to have a great Christmas. So I was the single mom spending money that I didn’t have, breaking the bank and putting on layaways to pay for Christmas. It’s what my grandmother and mom did, so I followed suit. I just bypassed the Santa Clause Myth because I refused to give a Jolly Old Elf in a red suit credit for my hard work. Christmas back then was about creating magic and a fantasy to make it exciting for my kids. Yes we discussed Christ; God’s awesome gift to the world but commercialism always seemed to over shadow him. Not Anymore!
As I grew in my faith and began to dissect God’s word the true meaning became clearer. I like to refer to it as The Christmas Miracle because it started with a miracle an Immaculate Conception. Christmas is not about Santa Clause or the gifts. It’s about the story of Christ; God’s Awesome Gift to the world and how the 3 wise men showed love to him during his birth when his family needed it the most. It’s about creating traditions with family, special moments, and memories that will always be there. Those precious gifts will be around long after the pretty wrapping paper is gone and the toys are destroyed and in the trash.
You see the story of Easter is just as special to me as Christmas. Jesus birth, death and resurrection reflected in 2 holidays. During Easter we celebrate by remembering the great sacrifice that Christ made for us in his death. We take communion, as the bible says to do this in remembrance of me (Luke 22:19) and so should it be for Christmas.
As we approach the holiday season and we began to shop for gifts for family and friends let us prayerfully seek God in ways we can bless others. The Miracle of Christmas is still here, No Santa Clause is not real; he may have been at some point. Then if that’s the case it started with a man who had a heart to give. That’s what made Christmas a miracle the spirit of giving.
The Christmas Miracle does not have to die with Santa Clause. Instill a new reason for your kids to believe. As my family begins to approach the holidays without Santa we will use Gods word and the myth of Santa Clause to keep the Miracle alive. I’m letting my boys have some say about our Holiday Agenda this year. It will be awesome to see what they come up.
You can be that Jolly Old Elf or one of the 3 Wise Men; give a gift of love that will bring a smile to a child’s face or tears of joy to a struggling single mom, or families face. I was that single mother many years ago before I met my husband and had my sons; looking and praying for a Christmas Miracle. It has to start with someone. God has to have a vessel he can use. If you do this you will create a tradition that will last a lifetime and restore someone’s hope in God and Miracles. This is the greatest gift you can give our savior on his birthday.
Let us follow the example of the 3 Wise Men: “Do This in Remembrance of Him”
Until Next Time… Live, Love, Laugh
Which One Are You?
Yes that’s me “I am both”,The Gen X Mom with many hats. It’s the toggling back and forth that makes me insane . Nevertheless I am learning to find balance in the mist of it all.
When I became pregnant again at 36 I was both shocked and excited. “How did this happen” I thought but of course we all know how it happened. I just assumed that I was done. Plus we had a 13, 16 and 19-year-old in the house at the time. In our minds eye we were already on the road to freedom. They no longer needed our attention every minute, of every hour.
The hubby and I had already started mentally planning a Caribbean Cruise, Dinner Parties and Barbecues in the backyard around the fire pit. His King of The Grill and My Kiss the Cook Aprons were already in my Amazon cart waiting for checkout. However even in the midst of our delayed gratification of a Caribbean Cruise, Parties, etc… We were both excited. We considered it as a second chance to become better parents.
So here were mom and dad again after a 13 year gap. It was smooth sailing for a while. We were still able to live, love and enjoy life to the fullest. After all we still had teenagers at home; in-house baby-sitters or so we thought. Which made the occasional date night possible.
It was not long after we began to settle into our new life with a toddler when we had another surprise. Three years later we became parents again and grandparents in the same year. By this time I was supposedly going through early menopause according to my estrogen levels. Don’t believe the hype “It’s A Myth.” Wow talk about a double whammy. I was still in my prime and the word grandma was not even on my radar.
Nevertheless I embraced my roles with the grace and integrity that is befitting to a woman of strength and character. In all honesty it was hard at first. While I strived and wanted to be the best mom that I could be; I also wanted to be the best grandma. This would require some compromising on all of our parts. I couldn’t expect my kids to babysit for me as often because they had their own family. Neither could they expect me to be available to them as much because I still had little ones in the house. So we came to a happy medium.
Since then there have been lots of surprises, marriages, more grandchildren 6 to be exact. No more for me and the hubby though LOL. We are officially done. As the boys get older we are able to settle more into our roles as grandparents. So once again the King of the Grill and My Kiss the Cook Aprons along with our new item “What Happens at Grandma and Grandpa’s House stays at Grandma and Grandpa’s House” has made it to my Amazon cart. I think it safe to checkout now.
PS: Grandpa has also been known to throw a great barbecue, still planning for the cruise… baby steps LOL
Until next time…Live, Love, Laugh!
He is before all things, and in him all things hold together Colossians 1:15-17
Well readers I tanked, all my talk about smelling the roses and I tanked the first night. There was no tea time or R&R for me. I’m giving last night’s round to the chores. I know right, excuses. Yes I tried; I fought the good fight but dinner, homework, laundry you know the list, it just kept pounding me. Until I finally succumbed to the blows. I think the laundry was the knock out punch; it’s the one that keeps getting back up no matter how hard you hit it. I found myself up at 12:00 am doing the dishes because I fell asleep before they were done.
This was me last night ↓ you know the look. The who, what, when, where, why and please make it stop look. The dazed and confused look, like you just went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.
Yes once again I became a slave to chaos This Must Stop! Change can be hard, it’s easier said than done especially without a plan. Why O why did I think I would just be able to wave my magic wand or twinkle my nose and all would be well? I guess that’s what happens when you are unprepared.
Nevertheless today is a new day 😊 and you all know the saying we live to fight another day.So in keeping up with my new theme All THINGS NEW! let me add Organization as my second agenda item. Wait maybe that should be first since organization is the key to a successful outcome.
My daily agenda items have always been Family, God and Work. I am sure you can agree with me that it’s in need of some revisions. So instead of putting on my boxing gloves tonight, I will train, by preparing spiritually, mentally and planning my next round.God will be first he will not come after I have lost the battle.
My fellow readers it is my desire to succeed at all things in life Happy Husband, Happy Kids, Happy Wife/Mom/Woman but it is something that I will have to work at. I am finally realizing it’s a balancing act; but with God on my side and his word as frontlets before my eyes I can’t fail. I’m up for the task.
I hope you will stay with me on my journey as I attempt to accomplish my new theme in life to do ALL THINGS NEW !. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, you will also be in mine as we maneuver in this thing called life.
Until next time… Live, Love Laugh!
Theme: All Things New
“I will always be here for you, no matter what”