Is Your Brain In Crash Mode?
I once had a clear image of who and what I wanted to be in life. In my mind’s eye I could see it as plain as day. Now I often wake in the mornings feeling lost in an amnesic state of mind. It’s as if someone has high-jacked my brain and uploaded it with my family’s agenda. It is one of the scariest thing that I have ever experienced. I have to search my mind and ask myself who are you? and what do you want in life? (outside of the obvious). Everyone wants a nice home, good kids, a great marriage and financial stability, but what do I want just for me?
My mind is constantly cluttered and consumed in a cloud of everyone else’s task list. This is not good, not good at all but that is what happens to so many of us. We get swallowed up in everything around us. Why is it that some men never lose themselves? Why are they able to maintain so much of who they were before marriage and kids? Let me try to shed some light here. I have been married for a while and I think that I know a thing or two about men. In observing my husbands pattern over the years I’ve noticed several things. He works, he provides and he maintains his lane. That is pretty much it no more no less.
How often do you see men jumping in line trying to become the head of the PTA, Scout Leaders or Little League Coaches. Some do but not all of them. Basically what I am trying to say is men are less likely to add additional items to a full agenda without being asked. That is because they know their limits and have no problem dropping things that get to become a problem.
I am sure we all know what happens when you put too many commands in a computer at one time IT CRASHES. So I ask you again IS YOUR BRAIN IN CRASH MODE?
Well Ladies guess what, we did it to ourselves. Yes we did, in our effort to become I Am Every Woman or the I can Have It All Mentality we put our minds into over drive. Well at least I can say I did it to myself. I know that some of you will argue the case that we can have it all or why can’t we have it all? My response is maybe we can, but at what cost? Do you really want to wake up every morning with a freeze-dried coffee brain that has to be jump started with coffee, energy drinks, Valium or whatever your passion is? Only to lie down at night to Melatonin, warm milk or Sleepy Time tea to help you sleep just so you can do it all again the next day. I think not but for some of us that is the cost of having it all, unless you are financially secure and you can afford to hire help. I don’t know about you but that’s a price that I am no longer willing to pay.
Ladies not only are we wives and moms but we are computers, appointment books, data drives and anything else they need us to be. Let’s not allow our memories to be drained by pushing ourselves into over drive. My husband Lord bless him is bad about asking me questions about his affairs, bills and so forth right out of the blue while expecting an answer. Most of the time I began searching through my memory trying to pull up the information that he is asking about. Sometimes it works sometimes its blank. Finally I told him the other day I don’t know I have to check on it. Now before you get all bent out of shape I am not husband or kid bashing because I brought this own myself. In my effort to be the best mom and best wife possible I made myself accessible to them at all times in everything. To be honest I crippled them and they became too dependent on me. My husband and kids have even admitted to it.
If you are guilty of this too and wish you could push reverse I feel you. You may not be able to push reverse but there is a solution. We will talk more about that later.
I am constantly telling my kids to use their brain and to use common sense. I guess if you have always had someone do everything for you than that’s a foreign concept. So is it fair for me to get mad now this far into the game? yes and no. We all have common sense so to deliberately sit and wait for someone else to do what you can do for yourself is a sign of laziness or even selfishness no matter what the reason is. If you see a person working to full capacity and there is something you can do to help them then do it. It does not matter if it is your job or not. I grew up with my mom telling me never take advantage of a good thing or you don’t want to wear out your welcome. It’s time for my kids to learn this valuable lesson and for my husband to become re-acquainted with it.
One of the hot topics in our home is Gender Roles. There is no such thing as Gender Roles in today’s society or at least in the non-traditional home. If I help bring home the bacon then you can fry it up in a pan and so forth. If he wash the dishes than I can take out the trash. This is where I am striving to get to in our home. While we have traditional values we’ve chosen a more modern lifestyle. Our lifestyle requires two paychecks and our home requires all of us to maintain it. This may seem a little off topic but it’s not, in sharing your life roles it prevents the other person from becoming mentally and physically drained.
There is still so much that I would like to share on this topic, so I will break it up into two parts. Please join me next time for Part II Restoring What was Lost… Shut Down-Reboot-Recover-Meditate-Renew.
Until Next Time…Live Love Laugh!