Help Someone Has High-Jacked My Brain!

Is Your Brain In Crash Mode?

I once had a clear image of who and what I wanted to be in life. In my mind’s eye I could see it as plain as day. Now I often wake in the mornings feeling lost in an amnesic state of mind. It’s as if someone has high-jacked my brain and uploaded it with my family’s agenda. It is one of the scariest thing that I have ever experienced. I have to search my mind and ask myself who are you? and what do you want in life? (outside of the obvious). Everyone wants a nice home, good kids, a great marriage and financial stability, but what do I want just for me?

My mind is constantly cluttered and consumed in a cloud of everyone else’s task list. This is not good, not good at all but that is what happens to so many of us. We get swallowed up in everything around us. Why is it that some men never lose themselves? Why are they able to maintain so much of who they were before marriage and kids? Let me try to shed some light here.  I have been married for a while and I think that I know a thing or two about men.  In observing my husbands pattern over the years I’ve noticed  several things.  He works, he provides and he maintains his lane. That is pretty much it no more no less.

How often do you see men jumping in line trying to become the head of the PTA, Scout Leaders or Little League Coaches. Some do but not all of them. Basically what I am trying to say is men are less likely to add additional items to a full agenda without being asked. That is because they know their limits and have no problem dropping things that get to become a problem.

I am sure we all know what happens when you put too many commands in a computer at one time IT CRASHES. So I ask you again IS YOUR BRAIN IN CRASH MODE?brain crash

Well Ladies guess what, we did it to ourselves. Yes we did, in our effort to become I Am Every Woman or the I can Have It All Mentality we put our minds into over drive. Well at least I can say I did it to myself.  I know that some of you will argue the case that we can have it all or why can’t we have it all? My response is maybe we can, but at what cost? Do you really want to wake up every morning with a freeze-dried coffee brain that has to be jump started with coffee, energy drinks, Valium or whatever your passion is? Only to lie down at night to Melatonin, warm milk or Sleepy Time tea to help you sleep just so you can do it all again the next day. I think not but for some of us that is the cost of having it all, unless you are financially secure and you can afford to hire help. I don’t know about you but that’s a price that I am no longer willing to pay.

Ladies not only are we wives and moms but we are computers, appointment books, data drives and anything else they need us to be. Let’s not allow our memories to be drained by pushing ourselves into over drive. My husband Lord bless him is bad about asking me questions about his affairs, bills and so forth right out of the blue while expecting an answer. Most of the time I began searching through my memory trying to pull up the information that he is asking about. Sometimes it works sometimes its blank. Finally I told him the other day I don’t know I have to check on it.  Now before you get all bent out of shape I am not husband or kid bashing because I brought this own myself. In my effort to be the best mom and best wife possible I made myself accessible to them at all times in everything. To be honest I crippled them and they became too dependent on me. My husband and kids have even admitted to it.

If you are guilty of this too and wish you could push reverse I feel you. You may not be able to push reverse but there is a solution. We will talk more about that later.

I am constantly telling my kids to use their brain and to use common sense. I guess if you have always had someone do everything for you than that’s a foreign concept. So is it fair for me to get mad now this far into the game? yes and no. We all have common sense so to deliberately sit and wait for someone else to do what you can do for yourself is a sign of laziness or even selfishness no matter what the reason is.  If you see a person working to full capacity and there is something you can do to help them then do it. It does not matter if it is your job or not. I grew up with my mom telling me never take advantage of a good thing or you don’t want to wear out your welcome. It’s time for my kids to learn this valuable lesson and for my husband to become  re-acquainted with it.

One of the hot topics in our home is Gender Roles.  There is no such thing as Gender Roles in today’s society or at least in the non-traditional home. If I help bring home the bacon then you can fry it up in a pan and so forth. If he wash the dishes than I can take out the trash. This is where I am striving to get to in our home. While we have traditional values we’ve chosen a more modern lifestyle. Our lifestyle requires two paychecks and our home requires all of us to maintain it. This may seem a little off topic but it’s not, in sharing your life roles it prevents the other person from becoming mentally and physically drained.

There is still so much that I would like to share on this topic, so I will break it up into two parts. Please join me next time for Part II Restoring What was Lost…  Shut Down-Reboot-Recover-Meditate-Renew.

Until Next Time…Live Love Laugh!

Lady Allen

 

 

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Rediscovering Me

Our True Identity is Who We Are Without Labels

How many of you take the time to stop and smell the roses instead of sprinting past them. That would be me the sprinter. I am constantly sprinting  past all the good things in life. It has gotten to the point that my theme in life has become drum roll please… I DON’T HAVE TIME! How many of you have adopted this same theme so much so that you don’t have time to enjoy the simple things in life? I have discovered that since I became a wife and mother I’ve lost myself. Lady Allen has slowly faded over time in the background,my roles in life have consumed me, wife, mom and employee. I guess you could say that I am going through an Identity Crisis.

Black Wonder Woman | Ready for a Movie with Black Wonder Woman? « MadameNoire | Black ...:

“My family thinks I’m Wonder Woman”

I really feel that Identity Crisis is a common thing among new wives and  new mothers because in our mission to be the best at both roles we become consumed in them. Thus the roles become our main focus. As we strive to please our husbands and kids we began to self sacrifice by giving so much of ourselves to them. I don’t think we really realize it at first because of the fulfillment it gives us in pleasing them. Until we look around one day and don’t see ourselves but only shells of who we use to be.

You see anything that you neglect over time will become unkempt. It’s like a rose you won’t notice it if you miss one or two days without watering it. However if you continue to neglect it over time it will wither up and die.

I am neither a new wife or new mother but in my attempt to excel at both roles I have forgotten to take care of me. The words I DON’T HAVE TIME! have slid off my lips more times than I can remember, when it came to things that I needed to do for me. Therefore allowing myself to become withered and unkempt. THIS STOPS NOW!

Behold I do a new thing and now it shall come forth! I will take time to smell the roses. So when my I get home tonight after putting my kids to bed I’m going to make a cup of tea sit in front of the fireplace and relax. Let’s vow to take at least 30 minute a day to stop and smell the roses. Smelling the roses for you could mean reading a book, taking a brisk walk, meditating. This has to be something you do just for you.So when my husband comes in and says Bae can you iron this shirt for me. My answer will be not right now, maybe later because I am smelling the roses. I promise you they won’t die if you make them wait, neither will the house fall apart. It’s okay to spin out of your Wonder Woman clothes and become Diana Prince or for me Lady Allen. The spin works both ways. You’ll just be a more happier you. My new theme for the rest of the year thru next year is drum roll please… All THINGS NEW ! In my quest to do ALL THINGS NEW! my first agenda item will be REDISCOVERING ME!  Mind Body and Soul. I may use it as a screensaver at work for a daily reminder to myself.

For the moms and wives out there who feel like you have began to wither away to a shell of your former selves join me in my quest to Rediscover Me. If you feel as if you are in Identity Crisis Mode,then reconnect and rediscover who you are, what makes you you apart from your roles in life. We are not defined by our roles in life but we are unique individuals with our own needs and desires.

Make a commitment to yourself to start enjoying life to the fullest. It is too short you don’t want to look around and realized you have wasted it. So my fellow readers I leave you with this. We should enjoy life as much as possible because we are only here but for a moment. The bible tells us to eat drink and be merry.

ECC 8:15 NIV

So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.

Until next time… Live, Love, Laugh!

Lady Allen

Uniquely Me

My name is Lady Allen, I am very outgoing but can be an introvert at times. I am married almost 9 years and together we have 6 kids a very blended family. Their ages ranges from the youngest 7 years old and the oldest being 29. Only two of them are still at home the 7 and 10-year-old. Now add to that a grandmother of 6, all girls. Talk about a lot going on right. My life is filled with adventure and there is NEVER a dull moment. Some days all I can do is hold on and go along for the ride.

My Picture Perfect. I guess so many of you are wondering why I chose this blog title. Well it’s not because my life is perfect, especially according to the world’s standards. It’s because my life is just the way God wants it to be and when he is done with me it will be picture perfect.Sometimes we try to paint a picture of what we want our lives to be like but God has other plans. Give him the paint brush and let him take control. I had to learn this the hard way.

Life has thrown me many curve balls, being a mom again at 36 and a wife at 38 was a big one. God has a sense of humor huh, but I wasn’t laughing. Not the picture I had in my head as a child. In my dreams I would be married at 25 enjoying life and have the perfect family 2 girls 2 boys and a dog. Yes I wanted the fan family the one you see on the fans they used to hand out in church. I prayed for that even went so far as to write it down and all the qualifications that I wanted in my husband. I wish I could say that things happened in that order but it didn’t. I got what I wanted just not when and how I wanted it. God is faithful.  It took many roads, U-Turns, dead ends and back alleys to get it.  He delivers! I birthed 2 girls, 2 boys and have a husband 2 bonus kids and a dog “My Fan Family”. The husband list God edited it and tailor-made him just for me. So that’s what makes me Uniquely Me a second time mother, wife and grandmother in the Summer/Fall of my life.

Until next time… Live, Love, Laugh!

Lady Allen